Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Don't Shoot The Messenger


I hate you, Kate Moss.

And it's not because you're the biggest supermodel in the world. I actually find your fat-free frame and soulless gaze unattractive. It's not even because you are dumb enough to use and get caught with cocaine or because you're engaged to the biggest screw-up in Great Britain, Pete Doherty. It's because you somehow managed to convince the world that you are fashion's biggest trendsetter, and you used this power to mislead millions of unsuspecting women into believing that they should wear skinny jeans. After you were photographed everywhere in them, top designers made skinny jeans THE trend of the season and fashion magazine editors published hundreds of articles discussing how every woman, no matter her size or shape, can look good in these jeans. Kate, your power over the fashion industry is both enormous and mind-boggling, but I for one will not let it continue.

Newsflash America: SKINNY JEANS ARE UGLY. Not only are they ugly, they are completely unflattering. They make anyone with >1 ounce of fat on their hips, thighs, calves and butt look like a cow, and their shape only works if you have a flat, well-defined stomach, to keep your body from looking like an ice cream cone. They are a trend that will die once fashionable women collectively wake up one morning to realize the truth about the inherent ugliness of skinny jeans.

Readers, I beg of you, PLEASE don't succumb to this trend. If you completely disagree with me and absolutely love your skinny jeans, my only advice to you is to avoid having pictures taken of yourself in them. You'll only look back on them with embarrassment, the way that everyone over the age of 35 had to hide a decade worth of pictures because the 80's were just so bad.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

sounds to me like you are just angry that you don't have the body for tight jeans and have a chip on your shoulder about being overweight. The green-eyed monster can be a horrible thing.