Thursday, January 04, 2007

Fergie- The Woman, The Myth, The Lovable Disaster

If you asked me who my favorite celebrity is, the answer would probably surprise you. Sure, if I could spend the day hanging out with one celeb, it would probably be one of the smart, down to earth actresses I love watching in interesting movies, like Kate Winslet or Reese Witherspoon or Penelope Cruz. And then there are the walking trainwrecks- Britney, LaLohan, Anna Nicole Smith, Courtney Love, (and until lately) Tara Reid, who are always good for a laugh, though deep inside my celebrity-hardened heart I do feel sorry for them. But there is only one person whose appearance in US Weekly or performance on TRL will force me to stop whatever I'm doing just to find out what shit she'll pull next, who provides such pure, unadulterated entertainment with every song she sings, outfit she wears and video she performs in, and that's Fergie.

Seriously, anything this girl touches is comic gold. But I'm getting ahead of myself..


As you may or may not know, Fergie was a crystal-meth addicted one-third of the female pop group Wild Orchid when she was plucked out of obscurity by one of the punctuation-loving members of the Black Eyed Peas (whether it was will.i.am. or apl.de.ap, it doesn't really matter). Their fledgling hip-hop/pop group needed a requisite "hot girl", and the surgically over-enhanced, transgender-esque Fergie apparently fit the bill, and was hired immediately. With Fergie on their team, the Black Eyed Peas were an instant success, with such aptly-titled hits as, "Let's Get It Started" and "Don't Phunk With My Heart."

And then a little song called, "My Humps" came along. "My Humps" really belonged to Fergie, as the referenced "humps" and "lady lumps" were hers. The critics were aghast, calling the song "transcendentally bad", "the musical equivalent to a bad Farrelly Brothers movie." As someone who knows very little technical knowledge about music, I recall turning to my musician boyfriend the first time I heard it and asking, "does this still count as music?" If you haven't already, I strongly encourage you to watch the music video on YouTube. I challenge you to refrain from laughing out loud.


Which brings me to Fergie's personal style. I would comment, but I think the clothes best speak for themselves. Unlike a lot of celeb fashion disasters, Fergie never seems to learn from her mistakes, and continue wearing the same styles, despite her permanent place on "Worst Dressed" lists everywhere. You have to admire that kind of dedication.

But what I really love about Fergie is just how little she seems to care about what anyone thinks, so you never have to feel bad for laughing at her. When she peed her pants onstage at a Black Eyed Peas show last year, she didn't even apologize, telling Rolling Stone that she, "just didn't have time to find a bathroom." She's really an all-around entertainer.


But the response of fans was unanimous: they needed more Fergie. And Fergie heard their pleas and responded by releasing a solo album earlier this year: The Dutchess (sic). Which brought us two new non-songs, "London Bridge" and "Fergalicious". In case you were confused by the lyrics, Wikipedia offers an in-depth interpretation of the first song:

"Primarily, Fergie uses the song to express that "every time" the unnamed person to whom she is singing "comes around," her "London London Bridge wanna go down like London London London." A popular interpretation of these lyrics is that Fergie is in the control tower of London Bridge (located in London, England.) Every time a male that she deems sufficiently attractive "comes around" (that is to say, approaches the vicinity of the bridge), she brings the bridge down. However, for unattractive men, Fergie would presumably keep the bridge up so that they are not allowed passage across the River Thames."

Then came "Fergalicious", Fergie's attempt to turn her own name into an adjective. And she manages to outdo herself in the music video, which can be viewed here. The video's concept (again, thank you Wikipedia) is such: "The video starts with factory workers packaging boxes of "Fergalicious" candy. Throughout the video, Fergie sings in a field of candy canes, wears a skirt that is tan and khaki, lays a pile of candy, works out in a colorful gym, sings in a room filled with lollipops while dressed like Shirley Temple, and pops out of a cake while wearing a blue corset with diamonds encrusted on the exterior. She then starts watching two women wrestle in ice cream before joining in with them at the end of the video."


But aside from her music, her dancing, her outfits and her on-stage antics, what do I love best about Fergie? Quite simply, her lyrics. I'd like to conclude this post with a few of my favorite Fergie-isms. For full effect, repeat them at random times to your friends in a voice of total seriousness.

"They say I'm really sexy, the boys the wanna sex me, they always standing next to me, always dancing next to me. Tryin' a feel my hump hump, lookin' at my lump lump, you can look but you can't touch it"

"I'm Fergalicious (so delicious), my body stays vicious, I be up in the gym just workin' on my fitness, he's my witness (oooh, wee!)"

Baby, baby, baby, If you really want me, Honey get some patience. Maybe then you'll get a taste. I'll be tasty, tasty, I'll be laced with lacey. It's so tasty, tasty, It'll make you crazy."

All my girls get down on the floor, Back to back, drop it down real low. I’m such a lady, but I’m dancing like a ho, ‘Cause you know I don’t give a f*ck, so here we go!"

Fergie, please don't ever change.

1 comment:

Annie said...

Fergie is indeed a conundrum. Why would you costume yourself in such a way when you're actually a very good-looking girl underneath?
I saw BEP last year in a small venue, and she was fascinating to watch. She does have a great voice, and I remember she wore cargos and a Paul Frank tee - nothing too over-the-top, and certainly no airbrushed abs!
Won't some stylist please grab her by the short hair and make her look like a lady?