Monday, August 06, 2007

Posh Love

When the subject of Victoria Beckham, aka Posh, comes up in conversation, my friends are often shocked to hear how much I love her.

"She's everything you hate about female celebrities! She's plasticized every part of her body, walks around like she's god's gift to mankind and is a total ditz! She's the farthest thing on earth from a real woman." They tell me this, and then wait for my response.

"But that's exactly why I love her! She's such a caricature of femaleness that you can't even compare her to real women. She doesn't care about being a real woman, she's an unapologetic fembot."

We Americans are late in the game in appreciating the Beckhams in all their absurdity, but I now understand why they're a national obsession in Britain. American celebrities spend so much time pretending to act like they're normal people, whether they're pushing their baby carriages in Uggs and no makeup or telling Jay Leno that they have fat days like everyone else. Our magazines eat this up, spending pages proving that Tom and Katie really are "just like us!," except that, of course, they have a net worth of $250 million and two of the most recognizable faces on earth.

Posh and Becks don't play that game. They're superstars with zero connection to the average family, and they're proud of it. Posh never leaves the house without her Louboutins and a fierce pout, her body squeezed into impossibly tight designer clothes. They're often photographed walking with their children, but it's hard to imagine Posh feeding a baby or changing a diaper in a Versace minidress. She supposedly subsists on a diet of soy beans, strawberries and lettuce (despite having given birth to three children, she still has a 23 inch waist).


Her body is so far from real-looking, she resembles a video game character more than a normal woman. She'll flash a smile maybe once in a given week, and god forbid a camera should capture it. Her breasts might as well be cast iron from the lack of movement they show. Every bit of her, from her hair to her expression to her shoes, is severe and a little bit scary. And if her look is the opposite of the "everywoman," her husband is so unabashedly metrosexual that together, they look like aliens from another hotter, more fashionable planet.

I'm glad Posh & Becks have chosen to grace our shores; Hollywood could use a dose of English absurdity and my hope is that Posh will singlehandedly reintroduce the concept of dressing up to the city of Los Angeles. Will the Beckhams become Scientologists? Will Posh attempt an acting career? Will Americans start caring about soccer? I know I'll be anxiously following the tabloids to find out.

9 comments:

Deja Pseu said...

Posh will singlehandedly reintroduce the concept of dressing up to the city of Los Angeles.

Would love to see it happen, but not holding my breath. :-) But they are influencing style; on Saturday when I went to get my haircut, my stylist was sporting a very short, very bleach-blond do. "An hommage to Becks," he explained

sparkler said...

I love Posh. She's so unapologetic about who she is, and she's like a drag queen of herself! I actually really loved her NBC special. I thought she was hilarious.

Elizabeth said...

This cheered me up so much this morning. :)
You're totally right! They're the funnest celebrity couple there is. I want them to get a reality show, but I'm too afraid that it won't live up to my wild expectations and/or dreams.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, forget the original Spice girls... forget Baby, Scary, Sporty... how about: Severe Spice, Alien Spice, Unapologetic Spice, Plasticized Spice? I should mention that while I'm not a doctor myself, I do occasionally work with a Las Vegas cosmetic surgeon, so I'm NOT opposed to plastic surgery. With that said, I like Posh, too! I read a long time ago that many historians feel like John Kennedy weakened the presidency by throwing out baseballs and hanging out w/celebs... made the presidency less respectful. I don't know, but I do think that celebs no longer look like "stars"... with the exception of Posh. She walks the walks, talks the talks and looks the looks and I'm lovin' it!

Gala said...

I love her too. I don't think they will have anything to do with scientology -- it's too bad for your image, & one thing she is is a FANTASTIC businesswoman.

Anonymous said...

I completely agree with every word. I LOVE her. I thought she was hysterical on her NBC special and the fact that she is who she is without ever apologizing is a nice change from "regular" Hollywood glamazons.

Here's to wearing four-inch heels to take a walk with your kids. If she can handle it? More power to her. I wish I had that kind of balance! :)

Rapunzel said...

You just made me laugh so hard. I was on the side of not liking her so much, but after reading this, how could I not? She's definitely anything but human and not in denial of that fact whatsoever.

A Bon Vivant said...

I completely agree, you have to love how absurd they are, as a couple and as human beings in general. Good for you, not being afraid to announce your love of Posh. :)

Anonymous said...

Posh has more substance than you are giving her credit for. She was a leader of the "Girl Power" sweep in the late-90s and has always been my pop culture idol. Yes, she was a Spice Girl. (Let me just add that lyrics such as "If you want to be my lover, you gotta get with my friends" and "Mama, I love you" are so much better than "I'm a slave for you" and "You make me want to la la".) Yes, she never wears anything but cute designer clothes and yes, she refuses to have her picture taken smiling, but I think that she is more down to earth than most. Does changing a diaper in Versacce make you any less human?

In a world where Jessica Simpson attempts to make stupidity attractive, where Lindsey Lohan's personal cocaine problem splashed throughout for her pubescent fans to read and Paris (who actually lacks substance) is glorified as "The Blond of our Decade", (truly an utter insult to Princess Diana), I find a pop culture figure who prides herself on good manners refreshing.
Posh has been noting but responsible with her fame and she remains my all time favorite pop figure. Posh always carries herself with class and grace. She never abused drugs or mistreated her children. She has been nothing but loyal to David. Maybe Posh might come across as a fembot, but you know what, you can't deny that she is a well-bred fembot!

P.S. This is just Ali having fun. I feel quite strongly about Posh and had to pass the time at my desk...