I have a question for you. I just got engaged to my boyfriend of four and a half years. His sister recently got married (2 years ago) and his parents paid the entire bill for her wedding, showers, anything she needed wedding related..and so on. My own parents are in absolutely NO condition to pay for our wedding. In fact I make more money than my parents combined and will most likely end up paying for them, not the other way around. His parents continue to make remarks about my parents paying for the wedding. One: How can I let them know that this is absolutely not an option and that we plan on paying for this ourselves? Two: How can I avoid being in his sisters' spotlight the entire time? (anytime I make a remark regarding the wedding, I have to hear "well Samantha had this and Samantha had that," etc) I'm going mad! Hope you can help!
Wow, this is a sticky situation you're in. But I think there are definitely solutions. The most important thing to remember is that it's YOUR wedding, not your in-law's, not Samantha's. I think you need to have a serious sit-down conversation with your fiancé and his parents and let them know what your plan is for the wedding. You should feel no shame (and should actually be quite proud of yourself) to explain to them that you (not your parents) intend on footing the bill for this wedding. Your parents will be helping you in many ways, but you're taking on the financial burden. There's no reason why they shouldn't understand and respect this, just as long as you present it the right way.
During this conversation, you also need to tell them that while you thought that Samantha had a beautiful, wonderful wedding, this wedding is yours, not Samantha's, and you're going to do things differently in some ways. Tell them that planning a wedding is stressful enough alone, but you're finding it more difficult when you're constantly being compared to Samantha and how she planned her wedding.
Of course, you'll want to talk to your fiancé first and make sure both of you are on the same page before you speak to his parents. Present your views as the views of both of you, which will make your argument stronger. And throughout the conversation, tell them how much you appreciate their financial and emotional support during this process.
The worst case scenario here is that they continue what they're doing and annoy you for the next however many months until the wedding is over. This obviously sucks, but as long as you try to block it out and stick to your gut to have the wedding you want, you can definitely handle it. But these sound like decent, well meaning people, and I have a good feeling that if you talked to them honestly about the financial situation and your feelings about their constant comments and comparisons, they'll change their behavior for the better.
Anyone else have advice or tips for LV?
Tuesday, November 06, 2007