I need some help with a difficult acquaintance of mine. I have known her for the last two years through a sports club and have never really been on the best of terms with her. She is unbearably rude, loud and arrogant. She frequently chooses not to talk to some of the club members because they speak to someone who happened to point out her behaviour to her more than three years ago. My main problem is that when the entire sports club gets together, she basically ignores half the group, gives them cold looks or even goes so far as to make nasty comments about some of the people in the room, passing it all off a joke.
Unfortunately, there is no way to not invite her to these events as she is a club member and a girlfriend of a club member. At the club's New Year's Party, I was organising a game of Twister and asked some of the people at the party if they would like to join us. She rolled her eyes, sighed and commented: "Would someone giver her some f*cking vodka to shut her up?" to the entire room. Unfortunately, the club has organised an event for the weekend which both she and I will be attending. I was wondering if you could give me some advice to deal with her rudeness. Should I politely ask her to stop being so rude, or should I just ignore it? One of my friends told me to start retorting to her comments about people when she makes them but I really don't want to be rude in return. Any advice you could give me would be appreciated.
Wow, this woman sounds like a real nightmare!
I think you have a few options in addressing the situation, though I'm sorry to say that I think you should keep your expectations low and not expect her to change her abysmal behavior.
It's inevitable that she'll make another rude or inappropriate remark at some point during the weekend and I think that taking her aside and politely saying that you didn't like what she said, that it hurt your feelings or made you uncomfortable, etc. There's a small chance that she is totally oblivious to how others perceive her comments and has positive intentions. I've had experience with people who say rude things or publicly put down others out of insecurity and a desire to seem funny or powerful, and this may be her problem.
Unfortunately, she's probably just an obnoxious person who doesn't care at all what you or other people think of her. While ignoring her is frustrating, I don't think she would respond well to being confronted in front of others, as your friend suggested. I think you're right that it's wrong to meet rudeness with rudeness and the situation could quickly spiral out of control. In my experience dealing with people like this, you just have to come to terms with the fact that you can never change them, and just hope that they realize the error of their ways on their own. If she doesn't like most of the people in the club (and it doesn't sound like they like her either), hopefully she'll drop out on her own.
Does anyone else have advice for Diana?
Thursday, January 31, 2008